Brokenness, Hope, Joy

“Brokenness is the realization that life is too much for us, not just because there is too much pain but also because we´re too selfish. Brokenness is realizing He is all we have. Hope is realizing He is all we need. Joy is realizing He is all we want…

“I have spent so much of my life hearing that sort of teaching and thinking of it as true but not immediately necessary to grasp. I now see it differently. I am beginning to understand that the loneliness I have for so long tried to relieve by marrying, by developing friendships, by writing books, by thinking of funny things to say at parties, is really a hunger for God.”

Larry Crabb writes this in his book “Becoming a True Spiritual Community” (thanks to mom for sending it to me!) and as I have been reading it, this is just one of the things that really hit me. I love him as a writer and almost all his books impact me greatly, and this is just one of the things I have been thinking about lately.

Four days ago I arrived at my new site. In Costa Rica the people often end their sentences with “Si Dios quiere” which means “if God wants it”. For example, I say “See ya tomorrow” and they answer “If God wants it”. So we from the U.S. take that to mean that it may or may not happen. Like, hey I´ll be there tomorrow, unless God doesn´t want me to do the work, then I won´t show up. Naw, but I don´t think they mean it that way. It´s interesting because they don´t have a separation between church and state here so people talk about God much more here.

So I tell people I arrived four days ago and will be staying for two years, “Si Dios quiere.” I gotta throw in little things like that so I can try and fit in with their culture.

It´s really hot here and I walk around all day with drops of sweat on my face. I don´t think it´s any hotter than Nebraska in the heat of summer, but they don´t have air conditioning here.

I am settled in to my new room. It has a single bed and a single shelving unit with three shelves. Also, I have little neighbors all over one wall—ants. But they don´t bother me and for now haven´t entered my bed. It´s amazing how I´m not as scared of bugs or spiders anymore. The people live with them here and they survive, so I figure I can do the same. I bought a string to try and hang up in my room so I can hang up some clothes, and I bought some tape to put some pictures up on the walls since everything is bare. If anyone has posters or pictures or anything cool to put on the wall, I´d love you to send it!

Monday I visited the high school. The high school has four main project ideas right now. First, the entire town of San Jose de Upala has no trash pick up. This is supposed to be the responsibility of the nearest town, Upala, but apparently in many rural areas they don´t have the funds or resources to pick up trash. Therefore, every household and school has a pit in the backyard where they throw everything and either bury it after a time or burn it. It´s very bad for the environment. So we are going to try and start a recycling project, but it´s very hard here because people grow up their whole lives throwing trash wherever. It´s hard for people in the U.S. to imagine because we grow up, mainly, throwing trash in the trash can.

The second project is possibly teaching computer classes to the high schoolers, and the third project may be teaching English, although they already have four English teachers. The fourth project is really about 50 projects in itself. Pedro is an agriculture teacher and wants to plant a ton of crops and start a student run cooperative to teach them business and hopefully keep them in the community to start businesses or their own. I talked to a couple kids today and there just isn´t work in San Jose de Upala and so they all want to leave after high school, if they even finish.

Tuesday and today I visited the elementary school that is located right next to my house. I´m actually writing this from the house of the principal, because she invited me over to Upala to her house to use her internet. She´s really nice! I may be teaching computer classes at this school or possibly English.

I´m trying to take it slow and get to know the people. The Peace Corps stresses getting to know the people first. Why do they want to do this project? Will it be sustainable so after we leave the people can continue? After a few weeks are they still talking about this project? For this reason I´m taking it slow and trying to get to know everyone. It´s a little overwhelming but so far, I´ve met a lot of people. My host mom cooks really well and I think I´m going to be fat by the time I return to the states.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a different elementary school. I think I mentioned it before but San Jose de Upala is made up of about 20 smaller neighborhoods or communities, all very spread out. So tomorrow I will go to the elementary school in La Unión and visit with the parents. They are interested in starting a business. A few mentioned a bread store because they don´t have one in the town. I´m pretty scared for this meeting!

I have to keep reminding the people I´m not here to DO the things for them but to share experiences and learn from them and do the things WITH them. A challenge will be motivating them and empowering them to take ownership of the projects. It´s a bit overwhelming and with so much on the plate, it´s sometimes hard to know where to start eating.

I was thinking today about how overwhelming it can be. But I realized that I am here because I believe one person can make a difference. A teacher I met at the high school talked about Alyssa, a Peace Corps volunteer that lived in her town (Upala) in the early 1990s. This teacher told me all about Alyssa and her projects. This teacher made me realize how much impact one person can have, that 15 years later this woman is still talking about what she learned. It gave me hope.