Sometimes my new entries come from a happier, more content and peaceful place, and sometimes they come from hardships I may be feeling. Today comes from a rougher patch I´m going through, so this is just to let you know where I´m coming from (in case my thoughts seem a bit crazy).
Today it really hit me how much I miss talking to people about life, about love, about God, about how to actually live what Jesus talked about so many years ago, about how He speaks to us in our culture and time today. It´s a struggle here because I am not very close to anybody here in Costa Rica. A place deep within me longs and misses spontaneous and random (but full of life and passion) talks with mom, Jeremy, people from challenge and CSF, and my good friends. There´s something about connecting with people in a safe place where you can really be yourself and talk about what you are feeling deep within.
Last week a friend of my host family visited them. He invited me to see his farm and eat lunch with him, so the next day he picked me up and we went out to his farm, a couple miles from where I live. The man is from Switzerland and speaks Spanish and French. He has a huge, beautiful farm and a really nice house. Running through his farm is a creek and so he took me down there, being careful to watch for snakes. He said there are a number of poisonous snakes around, but I didn´t see any, that day. What we did see were a couple baby alligators (crocodiles? I don´t know the difference) and a bigger one, about 15 feet in front of us. I think it´s the first time I´ve seen a live one outside of the zoo!
Yesterday I had another first time. It was the first time I´ve seen a snake in the house. I will try and put a picture up on here but they are also up on my webshots.com page. I also uploaded some new pictures I took with my host family´s camera. They are of the host family, their house, my room off to the side of the house, the elementary school next door, and the street where I live. Here´s the website again--
http://good-times.webshots.com/album/560825722dUvlqd
Tons of geckos run around at night all around my door and around the house. The other day when I was walking up to the high school I saw some monkeys playing in the trees. They make really loud noises, so when you hear the noises you think they are big gorillas, but the ones I saw were pretty small. Anyways, for those that come to visit we will hopefully get a glimpse of these, and hopefully not a glimpse of scorpions or tarantulas! Luckily I haven´t seen a tarantula yet, but I´m guessing within two years I´ll probably see one.
One thing Peace Corps as us all doing the first few months is called a CAT—Community Assessment Tool. We write it in Spanish, anywhere from 20 to 100 pages of an in depth assessment of the community. It´s one way to get integrated because we have to learn everything about the community. I started that today but it will be a long process.
What is really hard is that the high school principal wants me ¨working,¨ in the traditional sense of the word, right away. Also, my host family is asking me what I have been doing all day. Lots of my training focused on getting to know the community and the importance of this. The training focused on sustainable development, meaning that the work will continue in the community after the volunteer leaves. This focuses on helping the people help themselves and empowering them to take control of their own lives. Peace Corps emphasized that the process is just as important as the end result, and it´s important we don´t rush into projects without first knowing the people. So this has been a challenge for me because I am trying to get to know the people. For example, having coffee at someone´s house and talking about life, the community, family, and culture is considered getting to know the community, and an important part of work. This I love, but it´s hard figuring out how to do this and get to know the community.
My family here is super humble and caring and my host mom cooks great food. I am already used to eating rice and beans at every meal, something I didn´t think I´d ever get used to.
I am realizing how much I took for granted connecting with people and how I need other people to put me in my place. I am realizing, also, how selfish I really am. C.S. talked about how he never had an unselfish thought in his entire life. That´s how I feel. Everything seems to come back to me. It´s like Donald Miller wrote—I am starring in my own movie because I am in every scene. What interests me is trying to get away from this, but the more I try, the more I just think about myself.
Tests are everywhere here, and I am only beginning to realize it. This selfishness one is just one of many that is trying to get me down. I´m not really sure where I´m going with that thought but it´s just something I´ve been thinking about lately.
Friends and family, you have shown me how caring and giving people really can be. I have felt so encouraged here by everyone back home, and I want to say thank you and I miss you tons. You are showing me love and service in new ways.
2 comments:
Good question! Nick, your vulnerability is so inspiring. I know it is easy to feel bad when you write something that isn't happy but grief and wrestling add another rich color to the piece. We need the realness to give height to the joy, the transformation the breakthroughs.
We just talked at Challenge about how we like to think we are the main character in the story and you are right it makes sense when we see that we are in every scene. The problem is the stories we create aren't big enough. Then if anything stands in our way, a roadblock we either try and destroy it or we get in despair because we think our story is ruined. When actually we are major characters in a big story. When it is God's story the roadlocks are opportunities. He can see beyond and has plans.
I don't know how often you get to have internet or how good of a signal it is but you could listen to one online and have a taste of home. Or I'll get Jeremy to burn you some.
A girl eh? Hmmm
I know what you mean though, circumstances show us what we really value and miss.
Hang in there amigo,
Larka
I just wanted to shoot you a quick hello...and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :-) I meant for your package to be there soon, however, my writing got a bit postponed, so give it about two weeks. Sorry!
Reading what you wrote about missing talking to people...I thought, well you can talk to me...but then I realized it would take an entire month to go round trip. Crazy! But, keep writing. I use your letters as a bit of journaling...and expect the same in return. I'm praying that I would write what it is God knows you will need to hear two weeks from when I write it. Though it'll be a month round trip, I will be addressing what it is you have written me about. :-) You just have to trust God to work through the circumstances...maybe not exactly in the way you wanted, but He will work through them all the same.
I pray that you are doing well and send my love.
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